so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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