dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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