Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
