I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
