I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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