I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
