she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
