apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
