I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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