haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
