Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
