she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
