I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
