well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
