Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I believe in your delicious
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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