Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
