twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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