life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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