If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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