Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
