garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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