Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
be right there i have to get my cape
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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