what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
