What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
