he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize