I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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