i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My feet surprised me
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