You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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