Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
