I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
