You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize