We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
