I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
