he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize