so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
