you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
they need to just BURY HIM!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
