Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
