just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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