I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
