Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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