Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
