mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
