In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
