I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
