I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
