You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
