8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
