fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize