I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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