Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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