bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
