I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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