winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
