we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
