There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
