You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You pole danced in your parka.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
