I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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