so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
