It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
