Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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