Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
