So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
