I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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