Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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