trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
