i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
