You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
