PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
