She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
