fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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