he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
