You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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