Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
