Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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