I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
