Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
