Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
