i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
