I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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