It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
