I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize