I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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