The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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