I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
