is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
