It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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