you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
