You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
