what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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