She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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