I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize