last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
