I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
