just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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