So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
