I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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