i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
