that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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